Comments on: You’re my wife now!

By: Swedish chef

Swedish chef — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 11:18:27 +0000

Isn’t part of the problem of co-dependency not knowing what we really want or who we really are? Like so many things in life for many finding a life partner, life path or career (as well as meaning in life) seem to be a passiv process rather than an active. Possibly for the simple reason that so many of us don’t know what we really want. We go for what is there and available rather than actively seeking out what we ‘really want’ simply because we don’t know what to look for.
So perhaps changing our lives for the better requires equal parts of discovering our ambitions and our limitations. It is so easy to focus on what is bad, but if we don’t know where we want to go next any road will take us there.

By: theswarmite

theswarmite — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 19:56:04 +0000

Welcome ” The Tailor ” and thanx for sharing your experiences.
I found that once I adjusted to the power of aloneness I was able to put my thoughts about the world in perspective and rid myself of assumed attack or constant defence. On of the present joys is being happy with my own company without isolating.

By: theswarmite

theswarmite — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 19:51:00 +0000

Thanks Lafang – Will you be MY WIFE now? LOL.

Saving and rescue-ing was a huge part of my ” old way ” of relationships, now gratefully released. Assisting others to rescue themselves is my new lifeboat.

By: The Tailor

The Tailor — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 18:29:30 +0000

For me it had begun to dawn on me that something was not quiet right, getting sober and finding my feet again has been great but I’m still wobbling along too.

I am finally working out what that long relationship was really all about. it hurt me most on the ocassional times when their was lots of deep anger revealed on both sides.

Being away for a week gave me space to just walk loads, think about stuff, write bits down. then chat it through with someone.
I first noticed while travelling daily on the underground.
I tried to predict where the oncoming people wanted to go half the time. then walk the other way.it became a bit obsessional lol.

I remember it from years ago too. being so lonley even in the middle of a crowd. Aloneness is the day I got it. Unto yourself be true.

Never quiet realised I was desperate to please the other.
Reading on here is really thought provoking. dualism is a wierd place. always on the lookout almost. waiting to jump in.
Boom & Bust cycle living.

By: Lafang

Lafang — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:38:53 +0000

I grew up in a codependendent household. I used to have nightmares involving my being pulled in different directions by huge godlike creatures, about endlessly running from one to another with increasingly heavy loads to carry, but it was never enough. (duh. Yes I did figure it out, in my 20′s)

Over the years I realized I have tried to recreate & ‘save’ Mom, Dad or some variation of both in the romantic partners & friendships I chose. Having realized that, and thru reading writing like yours, I’m now looking at life differently and seeing people for who they really are: not what I want them to be. Makes it so much easier to get out of & more importantly, not get into.

Once again, a valuable & timely bit of writing Madge!