15 Mar 2009

The Elephant in the Room

Posted by theswarmite

 

It’s easy to think that we need to " go away " in order to find ourselves, to sort ourselves out, to find solace. This kind of thinking has kept the Holistic Spa industry going for years. Glossy pics on internet travel sites are one click away from serenity, such is the lure for escape and instant gratification when exhaustion strikes. These commercial dealers offering hot stones, soft white towels and silence by the pool are as enticing for work addicts as a dealer on a skag estate for chavs and we fall for it every time. 

 

The problem is not where we are running " to" but what we are running " from " but when the going gets tough the quick fix trip hits the vein of relief. Treatment Centres call this " doing a geographical ". In fairness it usually applies to people who slag off where they are now and up-sticks for a new start elsewhere, taking themselves and their problems with them. 

 

Drunks are very good at it, not that they have " a problem " off course – they just " enjoy " a drink and everyone’s on their back. They just chose the wrong job, wrong partner, house-share etc so you can understand why taking a massive leap of anger somewhere is so thrilling after all that victimhood. Been there – done it myself – until the blame game had to stop. For people who use alcohol or substances moderately this may not make sense but replace alcohol with WORK and you get the gist. 

 

Getting away from work pressure is easy when you know how, but you may not know that YOU could be the elephant in the room, the problem no one talks about to your face. Our own defects of character pale into comparison with everyone else’s but until we check out OUR emotional obstacles we shall forever remain the cow in Accounts, the boss that doesn’t listen and the loner at lunch. Like a man in a bad wig it’s unlikely anyone will tell you. 

 

It is so very wrong to consider therapy in a CRISIS – you don’t rush to the gym in a crisis, you have a routine for it and so it is with life management. Finding time out for repair is essential in this mega city. When no-one wants to socialise with you after work it’s either because you are still at work and can’t leave or your workaholicism is breeding more personality defects, the ones all can see except the culprit. The problem may be that you " enjoy " work too much. London is full of people working too hard right now and tempers fray. Fear is a great leveller when it comes to job loss projection, all the more reason to " get away " to a space of strength, to recover lost positivity and end fear based projections. Office life is like a zoo and elephants abound. Don’t bring domestic issues into the workplace, don’t tell anyone about your salary rise, don’t take too long for lunch and don’t  . . . 

 

Rules and secrets abound so the urge to OM in Poona, to be draped in toweled robes after a mud bath is soothingly attractive after a shit day – no wonder it’s lastminute.com on speed dial. Dashing off to the sun is understood – we’re English right? – but it’s easy to forget that a crap day can be turned around in 10 minutes if you seek it. TRY THIS.

 

Working too hard?  Go for a walk. Call a friend. Find a Park. Find a bench. Look up at the sky. Find trees. You don’t need to go far. Buy a bag of chips. Walk toward water. 

 

Or go to the Zoo, find the Elephant House and ponder on what’s off-track. 

 

Consider what changes you need to make before the white robe becomes a white straitjacket. Then leave the office early and WALK leisurely, your first task in " getting away " from work pressures. Look up. Rediscover LONDON.

 

 

Tags: character defects , chips , control , drunks , office , pressure , treatment centre , workaholicism

14 Responses to “The Elephant in the Room”

1. I’m loving your new blog Madge. It’s inciteful (spelling) and very well written and it’s fast becoming a daily stop off point. Facebook then you…x

    

   Clay

   March 15th, 2009 at 11:29 pmpermalink

2. I always was the ugly sister who came second to that sister FACEBOOK. Thanx for such esteeming feedback Clay ( since u r a writer an at innit ) . . . client diary is rammed re next week . . will Facebook U. x

    

   theswarmite

   March 15th, 2009 at 11:35 pmpermalink

3. What’s that saying:
   No matter where you run, you can’t run away from yourself. Something like that.
   Great points you bring up in this.
   Another excellent bit of writing!

    

   Lafang

   March 16th, 2009 at 12:14 ampermalink

4. Yup it’s true LaFang – we ARE the luggage we carry and now I’m down to a handbag ( not the size of the Posh Spice one though ) – christ her arm must be tired. Thanx for the BIG UP.

    

   theswarmite

   March 16th, 2009 at 12:19 ampermalink

5. LOL @ Clay – inciteful . . . freudian slip or wot?

   Did you mean SPITEFUL . . .sister? Is it Joan & Bette?
   Blog sisters.

    

   theswarmite

   March 16th, 2009 at 12:23 ampermalink

6. Another thought provoking and relevant piece of writing, I hate spa retreats because you never CAN get your towels at home as soft…annoys me.

   What was that saying….”I’ve been to Marakech but I’ve never been to me” saw it on AbFab but sure it has deeper historic roots somewhere.

    

   Keither

   March 16th, 2009 at 9:34 ampermalink

7. The wonder of LENOR Keith. That’s why Spa’s are expensive – wear it once then they chuck it. They KNOW we cant do it at home. Somewhere there is a towel mountain the size of Iceland.

   Love the ADFAB quote ( and I have been to Marrakech 6 times ) – and hold Berber in my heart Sweetie . .

    

   theswarmite

   March 16th, 2009 at 9:50 ampermalink

8. Awesome as always and something I have understood for many years. Doing a runner is never an option, like our shadows, the ego follows wherever we venture. A troubled person at work is a troubled person by the pool. The going away idea is really something you touched on in another blog, a delay tactic and the misunderstanding that something will change due to a different location. Why not start the work now so when we do hit the haven of tranquility, we can at least enjoy it. If not, the return usually brings us back to the harsh realization that our geographical did not work, escalating the feeling of discontent. Why spend our whole time living in an imagined future that on our next trip we will be happy, even just for a few weeks? Let’s make the choice now, free our ‘now’ and live in the moment and be grateful for what we have. Realizing we have a choice and the opportunity for growth, no matter how painful, is a gift, not a punishment. If we throw half as much enthusiasm into becoming happier more balanced people as we do our work our trips away will become our paradise rather than a short respite from our daily dysfunctional lives, which we will inevitably return too.

    

   Droid

   March 16th, 2009 at 11:19 ampermalink

9. sorry think the quote was “Ive been to paradise but Ive never been to me” agreed on the towel mountain…perhaps the red nose day climbers could have halved the carbon footprint of getting to Tanzania for Kilimanjaro and got a sleazy jet flight to Iceland instead?

    

   Keither

   March 16th, 2009 at 11:24 ampermalink

10. Thanx Droid – I will work on bringing Swarmite Breathwork to Innsbruck this year – and make sure I don’t ” do a runner “. LOL
    Your contribution above, is as always SPOT ON.

     

    theswarmite

    March 16th, 2009 at 11:36 ampermalink

11. Thought provoking blog as usual David…many thx.

    Breaking free from the shackles of ego which dictate that it’s always other people who are responsible for our problems & accepting responsibility is the first step toward a happier existence.
    Sometimes it can take surviving a life threatening situation to put things sharply into focus – we are the fortunate ones.

    So many people are caught up in basic day to day survival & repeated patterns of behaviour that they fail to realise that the answer to their myriad problems is in their own hands.

    I guess it’s fear that stops ‘em changing their situation so they put up with shit jobs & unhappy relationships cos the prospect of change is so terrifying. 2 weeks in Benidorm will never be a panacea for much deeper problems.

    I’m off to commune with the squirrels on Hampstead Heath & enjoy the beautiful Spring sunshine

    Love ya!
    ~ J

     

    John

    March 16th, 2009 at 2:12 pmpermalink

12. . . . watch those older squirrels on the Heath in muir caps John – they bite!

    If the world began to welcome change not fear it, half the problems would disappear overnight – just look at facebook right now! Get over it.

     

    theswarmite

    March 16th, 2009 at 3:37 pmpermalink

13. You have no idea how happy reading what you write & the resulting comments makes me feel. It’s like being validated (not a hand stamp for free parking).
    So many times friends tell me ‘it’s not that simple’ when I’ve said YOU make yourself happy, not your job, not your relationship, etc….
    It IS that simple. It’s the practicing part that’s harder.
    But so worth it.
    Sending you hugs Madge & wishes for many smiles!

     

    Lafang

    March 16th, 2009 at 10:17 pmpermalink

14. Hey thanx LaFang –

    I love that quote from Marianne Williamsons book
    A RETURN TO LOVE – ” when people say – You’re so Lucky! : Just remind them it’s because you Practiced “. You’re right it’s the practice that holds the magic and the temporary turmoil. This too DID pass.

     

    theswarmite

    March 16th, 2009 at 10:46 pmpermalink