5 Aug 2010
Social Laziness
Last week, quite by accident, I appear to have invented a new syndrome - Social Laziness. Not my own personal syndrome you understand, but it appears to be an unchecked dis-ease of self waiting to solved. I scoured the web and it doesn’t exist, or should I say – the Priory hasn’t made money out of it yet, spotting a gap in the ever expanding treatment market. No self help book either. Yet.
The phrase suddenly dropped from my mouth, coaching a client on skype. I often say I’m being channeled by Doris Stokes, as I can’t remember what I just said, either in session or seminars, if someone asks me to repeat something. Blank.
It’s like I start and something takes over. Which is the opposite to social laziness, or is it? Instead of rampant energy increasing the flow of desire, something untoward occurs that equally takes hold. Can’t be arsed.
Londoners know that if an invitation comes from the opposite side of the river a fear sets in. Do I have to go? Or as example, people in Hackney are on facebook because no one visits them. No tube, no friends. No wonder they bicycle everywhere, it’s not greening, it’s essential. Which is why such a vibrant social scene has developed in Dalston’s East London. Who want’s to be pissed on your own two wheels or even a Barclay’s bike? . . . .
. . . we might as well stay put.
Some years back, I had a client who only socialised in Earls Court because he felt fearful that he couldn’t find his way back home if he went into the next zone. In his case he drank before socialising in order to get to a bar, and would wait to be chosen by someone as a chat-up, then was too pissed to continue a conversation let alone find his way home. London is full of people like this and I dare say anywhere in the world that uses alcohol as dutch courage. It’s the nature of the beast. But social phobia with it’s symptoms of severe anxiety, sweating, panic attack, dry mouth or muscle tension is different from social laziness. The question here is did he suffer from social phobia or social laziness? My client had a mix of both.
Laziness can ruin your social life because the more time you want to be with yourself, the less time you spend with other people, and the less you practice the art of communication. Stored underneath this lack of action is a major component of codependency : PROJECTION. Projection will convince you of anything to justify your lazy arse on the sofa clutching a mobile. Projection will turn you into Doris Stokes and the gift of clairvoyance as you run through the obstacles faster than you slam the door to a Jehovah’s witness. You get an invite and try to work out who will be there, what they will be wearing, is the film or theatre any good? etc. We all do it. Where is it? BATTERSEA. Jesus, no tube. Social laziness is on the increase because we work harder to keep a job, manage a home and juggle our friends – no wonder facebook is so essential to London living.But having said that, think of how many times you DIDN"T want to go somewhere and ending up loving it, saying to yourself , I must do this again, then never do. Social laziness. People love routine because of the security of familiarity but codependency breeds under these conditions. People in a coda relationship will find that friends drift away, workaholics will find that eventually they hold no space for socialising in their schedule, sub-urbanites cram socialising into train timetables and this all creates less room for spontaneity, which is the solution to codependent patterning. Swimming in unplanned waters is unfamiliar for most. A coda world is always a small one, livin’ it large is anathema. Coda relationships can fall into the trap of " having each other " as a cure for social phobia and laziness. Many in this kind of relationship have few friends ( except other couples ) outside of it.
An inter-dependant world is full of free floating actvities, growing larger by the minute, bringing in new people. I found that as I grow older, more effort is required to create new friends, ideas and energies. My saving grace has been losing so many people in my life over the years including deaths via AIDS and Addictions, recognising that everything is temporary, so stay alert to new people, but people drift from our lives anyway, it’s how it is, and hard to pin a butterfly. I always share in someones good fortune if they move country, job or relationship. When they WIN – I WIN.
This also gives me scope to move with the wind, to be grateful on a daily basis, to know what steps I need to take to overcome fear of new things, new places. I have always traveled a lot on my own across the world and it amazes me that some people can’t even go to the movies alone let alone land in a country not knowing anyone.
You may need to work through your own fears reading that.
So today’s think-tank is to do something unfamiliar and break away from routine. Try a trip somewhere alone. Join a group, plan a journey into Zone 4, however dangerous that may feel. Write a whole A4 page on your social laziness, just considering the task is not enough. In my experience Karma Yoga (WORK & ACTION) are essential spiritual principles in order to live in the world of EXTRAS, instead of just surviving on crumbs.
Demolish the ego of dismissal.
