17 Jun 2009
Sail Away
Noel Coward wrote in his song lyric SAIL AWAY " why do the wrong people travel while the right people stay at home ". Jump on a plane and the worst comes out in all of us. Think powerless behavior, judgement, acidity and irritation including the person in front that reclines the seat the moment the seat belt sign goes off. But this blog is not about griping it’s about learning, trusting and being in process – for remaining conscious is essential in foreign climes. I have left passports in airport cafes, credit cards on counters and magically not noticed when a bag goes missing but was truly conscious when a Police Inspector in Goa boldly asked for a bribe in return for signing an insurance chit to say my CC had gone missing. No wonder slumdogs wanna be Policeman when they grow up.
One of the obstacles I get handed in session is the holiday quandary. Who can I go away with? My partner/friend is broke/earns less money/hates the sun, mountains, beaches, cities etc. When I suggest they travel alone a visible gulp resonates the room. ALONE? Traveling alone is akin to swimming with crocs it seems, the mere thought turns the face into a scrutched up well blown hankie. ALONE? Yes, on your own, by yourself. BUT WHAT WOULD I DO?
This kind of response astounds me – it can’t all be about coming from a big family where entertainment and attention abounds – no it’s about the fear of being with self. Travel alone and you will discover why you busy yourself at home. Travel alone and pass the " eating alone " test or do you think you will become one of the " sads " at the singles table if you take a package.
All these fears amount to nothing once you cross the water into freedom.
Taking separate holidays, alone or with friends really invigorates a relationship at home. Living together can create stifled energy and instead of having a row take easyjet. The break will allow you to get life in perspective which is the point of travel – not getting pissed in San Antonio with bra strapped slappers – as travel brochures suggest. Travel really does broaden the mind and allow you to see how fellow Brits behave. It’s a wake-up call to witness Brits in Morocco for instance when shop owners harangue in public, throwing high prices willy nilly – Brits refuse to play the haggling game and behave as if they are in Debenhams – " no just looking ". It’s sad that people don’t throw themselves into the local climate.
So if you haven’t decided yet where to go on holiday or who to go with – take yourself away alone and explore your fears and bounderies. Try a weekend first if you waver or a week on a package somewhere works if you are not used to independent travel. Londoners need to get way from the smoke, angst and stress of credit crutch britain. They also need to contest the need to be surrounded by people all the time while enjoying themselves. Holidays are notorious ball-breakers for dodgy relationships so best if you go away first, take a copy of Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More as plane reading, find your sense of voice in them hills, come home and start shifting, planning . . .
and WAKING UP.
Yes, the person in front who remains reclined when the food is served giving even less space in my cattle class seat. Didn’t their parents teach ‘em to sit up when they ate their dinner!
As for going away ‘single’ ’tis a wonderful thing. On a few work trips to India I found myself totally away from Westerners, in cities where I was quite literally the only whitey to be seen. If you don’t like being stared at, don’t go. If you wanna go out on your own in a totally alien place and enjoy the buzz ( a mix of excitement and a strange fear) then I recommend it. The feeling of “shit, I really am on my Jack Jones here” is an enlightening experience. Cutting the ties to anything that is familiar, safe and known has to be done, even for a short spell. Makes me realise how safe I am here in cosy middle Europe. Innsbruck doesn’t really challenge. I’d do more of it if I had the time and the cash.
I was looking through the meetings list in Mumbai yesterday funnily enough, thinking about a trip back there then down south to our Goan hideaways. What the hell, make contact with some people I’ve never met before in a city that makes London look quiet and see what happens!
Not only does travel broaden the mind, it enriches the spirit and whilst away life and situations back home take on a new perspective.
God, I can’t wait to get outta here for more of that!
droid
June 17th, 2009 at 9:10 pmpermalink
Ho! – On another note… I still reckon yer arse is going to get so wet when the tide comes in if you sleep in that bed!
Geoffrey
June 20th, 2009 at 8:14 ampermalink
Thanx Droids – I too enjoy traveling alone but like yourself also do the group or couple thing as well. Our mind, body and spirit will indicate when to be single and when to group and more importantly if in a crowd – when to say No to a gathering. This is a learning curve in getting needs met without thinking that harm has been done. That is if you know already what your needs are.
Goa, curry, markets – the tastebuds are moist.
theswarmite
June 20th, 2009 at 9:57 ampermalink
Isn’t it strange this sense of ‘being alone’ given that as soon as we have been separated from our mother at birth we are ‘alone’ in exactly the same way throughout life. But of course all of us will say that we only feel alone at certain occasions and very connected at others.
So thinking about it, it is not really what we do but how we feel about it that determines if we are ‘traveling alone’ or not. Maybe if we ask ourselves why we feel alone rather than what we can do to avoid the feeling of loneliness we may get a better answer.
Swedish chef
June 25th, 2009 at 12:23 pmpermalink
I agree Swedish Chef on this one, it’s people’s perception and how they feel about being alone that needs attention. If this goes unheeded the fear of being alone never decreases. Traveling in a crowd or coming from a large family can still mean some people still feel alone. Finding out why is wise investment. My own experience of being in an incubator twice ( 12 weeks in total ) during my first year of life created a form of social phobia that I tackled with drink and drugs until it no longer worked. Finally I had to address all forms of ” loneness ” in therapy to establish a balance between being alone as a survival tool and being alone as abandonment plus the encouragement of intimacy with strangers. Well that last point did lead to sex addiction, now resolved. Maybe I went too far. LOL. Talk about living in balance . . .
theswarmite
June 26th, 2009 at 8:53 pmpermalink