20 Jan 2010
HALT>>Road Works Ahead.
In order to live in process the road is always up. The past 10 days have been choc-a-bloc with clients, the builder in and out, addicts back after a relapse, folk back from families and pre-booked social events. It has all been workable and satisfying because of constant inspection of thoughts, feelings and schedules. In order to receive continued recovery we need to become honest with ourselves, grassing ourselves up to malfunction, dysfunction, distractions and wrongdoing.It’s difficult – but so was building the railroad, however this task is an essential component in communication with the soul in delivering serenity and solace.
HONESTY is not as easy as it seems, living in a survivalist society in London but it remains an individual matter how we measure it. Somehow we are not surprised at MP’s sniffing at the freebie trough but appalled when a friend acts out a betrayal. This may appear shocking but most people are shocked by simple honesty. Recovery from any compulsive pattern is based on total honesty and when bringing a friend to an open Anonymous meeting we ask : " what did you think? ".
The response is often the same " shocked by the honesty I have just heard ".
In order to be honest we may need to reverse patterns, it’s easy to spot someone else’s dishonesty while giving scarce thought to our own. But we learn that honesty, like charity, begins at home – with ourselves. We need to keep focus on our own levels of honesty and let others take care of themselves and if truth be told we barely create enough time in our own lives to even review the task, so exhausted we are pointing fingers elsewhere. Telling the truth – as you see it – is wise but don’t expect others to see an issue how you do, because perception is in the eye of the beholder and denial is it’s companion. For most codependents, hurt is the fuel they feed on. Children express hurt while adults fester. When this happens the road has to be dug up.
Living in process rather than focussing on goal based destination is the most honourable route to walk, for it promotes the practice of waiting, the art of observance and trusting in unseen energies. We trust the unseen energies that lie beneath the roads we walk on with little thought, the gas mains, sewers and electricity cables that support our lifestyles but deem to question the natural laws of universal support. We forget that the very breath that keeps us alive needs to be maintained with yogic breathwork, meditation and prayers of spiritual connection.
Checking out our own roadmap – how we got here and where we are heading – makes sound sense too in order to maintain busy periods in our lives or when our plans go tit’s up and we think higher powers are against us. My experience has been a longtime addiction to disappointment. Funny that coz I thought it was drugs n booze but 10 years after that last use-up, I was still setting myself up for battle. It was only when I let go of the need to win that a chronic virus left me along with the fight. Every 6 months for 6 years I went for a Hospital liver function test to see if all my efforts had won the day to drop the incurable virus. Each time the disappointment and unfairness of it all ( after ALL the work I had put in ) raged my soul until I gave up the desire to know the answer. I imagined applause from higher realms as I waived the white flag. It’s all a process. Stuck in traffic is a process and as my sponsor once pointed out, a glorious opportunity to practice Step 11, a reconnection with a power greater than ourselves.
PREPARE TO STOP needs more consideration.
