My Security Blanket

Dashing to the station last night my path was halted by a motherly scramble involving an adamant child, a buggy and a stuffed toy. The child refused to let it go. Striding past this pavement kerfuffle, images of Maddies " Kuddle Cat " and Karen Matthews holding up to the world’s press some shabby sad toy from Asda, declaring " Cum hoom ma Princess " flashed by. Last night’s child clung to the "rabbitty thing" as if life depended on it. Then within a minute, another child passed me clutching a parents hand, quite the little madam age 4, eyes straight ahead with a plastic handbag worn a la Beckham striding from a plane. Victorious in nature, balanced on elbow, hand to heart.

 

I recalled my own security blanket that I carried round before I went to primary school – a brown crocodile handbag that Victoria would have slashed my eyes out for. Large handle, real brown croc and big enough to stuff treasure in, which in this case was a pile of edwardian family photos, all sepia tinted, gold edged and MINE. Another piece of irony here – I referred to them as " toto’s " way before I hit the yellow brick road. The ability to pronounce the letters P & H came later. Memory and the obvious pain has blocked the memory of release ; where the bag went, where the totos went and what I moved on to but eventually I moved on to alcohol, drugs and work as security blankets.

 

Hiding within a relationship for the wrong reasons will catch you out as perception of security changes, no such thing as a free lunch and all that. Brand Beckham from what we witness is a relationship that works even if they stay together for the brand or for US. How could they afford to let us down? At one point they were THE relationship role model, Dad Beckham being the ultimate metrosexual which women clamoured for and men wanted to emulate and Posh, the spice that got the cream. Despite the British tabloid agenda of demolition, they always hold interest and entertainment value securing our notion that celebrity relationships work because if you have money – anything can work. I would estimate that aside from PR glue a lot of communication between them goes into the pot if only to carry out logistics of the brand and family life. Maybe his OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ) and time apart through work gives the relationship breathing space. Our dream and vision of a relationship is a security blanket in itself which is why we need to do the detail at the beginning of the coupling so the structure is a sound as a house on solid ground. Codependent relationships are inclined to be unbalanced, romantic or a battleground of control. Like the screaming child a codependent wont know when to let go and when they do they may as well die as the whole purpose of living goes with it. The notion of romantic rescue, the scooping up by the big hand of love needs to be attested. A Course In Miracles (ACIM ) refers to the codependent relationship as a "Special Relationship ", the feeling you get when a person appears to make you feel special. The problem with this approach is that when the person leaves you feel like shit. Not special at all. It’s as superficial as one of Victoria’s special bags, the bag that will make the difference, the bag that will heal how we feel, the bag that say’s " very important person on the planet ".

 

As well as developing a fantastic emotional relationship with another person, our children and also our career’s we must recall daily that " everything is temporary " – even recovery – another powerful message from the Course that keeps us connected to sanity. Yes we can make a relationship last, that’s easy – it’s amazing what people will put up with just to stay within the security blanket of union but the hard part is maintaining a quality relationship for equal benefit of both parties and dependents, without storage of regret, resentment and revenge. Watch those three R’s.

 

Like Posh we need to wake up to how we accessorize. Do you subconsciously choose people that look good on you? Do you have a trophy partner to flash off or do you think plain old needy is the only look you need to attract sympathy, rescue and capture? 

In fact waking up to whether you ARE the needy child who won’t let go in a relationship – is the best thing to happen – because being aware means no longer staring into space waiting for the world to wake up to your needs. That is if you know what they are in the first place. Victimhood steals the notion that you are worthy of needs at all. 

Regardless of what relationships bring to the table – the ( LRT ) Loving Relationship Training says that Love brings up everything unlike itself, for the purpose of healing. Our purpose in life is to cleanse from fear and guilt, detox and then embrace love, for love is all we are – whatever bag we carry. Long term loving relationships ARE possible but only under close scrutiny with regular observation do they survive successfully and having children offers no security at all, as many witness. 

 

No wonder we feel insecure when the romantic blanket of love turns sour.

 

Expect more on the security issue over the next few blogs. 

In the meantime focus on what you think makes you feel secure, how you can be assured of continued security and whether it works.