11 Nov 2009
Depression Addict
" Sometimes we need to be pushed to make changes in our lives, even
though, like a child being born, the pushing feels 
painful.
painful. Then we can experience a new life ".
This statement, along with the following illuminating paragraph appears in a brand new book by Rebirther BRONWYN BARTER called HEALING the DEPENDENCY on DEPRESSION just published in Australia and now available from Amazon worldwide.
" Although sadness feels horrible and we wish that we could just be normal again, I began to realize that it was easier for me to be sad and injured than to do the things that made me happy. Happiness had become so unfamiliar that when I suddenly found myself laughing at a movie or at a joke someone had told, the laughing felt peculiar in my body. Also, and this is the biggie, nobody looks after you when you are happy, you are offered help when you are sad. When you are depressed and sad, your relatives, friends, workmates, and others are concerned about you. If you want to be happy again there is one step that needs to be taken to achieve it and it’s called responsibility. "
To be honest I never had time to be depressed, I was too busy trying to stay alive for the best part of the ’80′s. Or so I thought.
Bronwyn mentions in her book " That’s how I had always coped with life; I got busy and coped " and I guess that many trawling the urban jungle in London right now feel the same way, but just getting on with it does not heal or honour the emotions leading to a dismal state. Until I discovered Breathwork in 1988 I had no idea I even had stored emotions let alone secreted a depressive state. In and out of hospital with liver disease, trying to work in-between, staying clean and sober was all I knew. But depressed . . never. I remember being told that I should be depressed with all that was happening around me, all that I had challenged and survived, but I just felt nothing, until I understood that THAT was depression. No one had told me about COPING being a lynchpin of codependent patterning either. I now call it the " just about make-it syndrome " or " life was meant to be a struggle, that’s how we learn method". Rebirthing breathwork demolished all that addiction to struggle stuff plus information I gained from a weekend workshop called " The Benefits Of Illness ", which is where I heard similar wisdom as Bronwyn’s paragraph, above. I ended up being defined by my illness : even now the first question people ask is " How’s your health? ".
In my view there is no answer to depression other than management of it, I was addicted to Valium for 17 years so I can safely say that those insurance pills didn’t work. I gave those up in 1982. Many strands of depression exist that require professional help and I am not a doctor but generally when I hit a low patch it’s not depression now, it’s my immune system crashing as a result of long term liver issues, and it’s my responsibility how I handle that. Acceptance is the best route for me, surrender to win, acknowledge and let it pass. Rather like the baby stuck in the womb it takes a little effort, whether you like it or not. Where experience counts is knowing when to push and when to rest. Breathwork and recovery from codependency showed me how to avoid depression by not avoiding feelings and storing them up. Some peoples bodies are like an email inbox – rammed to the gills. Each day, delete, delete, delete. I can’t remember the last time I was depressed, or couldn’t cope but I had to learn emotional management and reach out for help in order to greet each day with a thrill.
I also discovered that some weeks are like walking through treacle, or you get a period where nothing much is occurring other than doing just fine. This is life. I learnt to manage my expectations better, deal with feelings as they came up and use breathwork to dissolve any conscious or unconscious blockage. Above all depression should not be cause for shame but simply a cause to wake up and take personal responsibility for all we have created. Rebirthing Breathwork not only cleared my depressions but eventually, after 8 years of regular breathing exercises I cleared chronic active Hep B virus from my body that doctors told me was incurable. It works, if you work it.
The most valuable snippet I gathered from my journey is that you can’t " think " your way out of depression, it always involves movement, action, and a change of energy. Breathwork exercises or a walk somewhere, even if it’s to the phone is a lifeline to HAPPINESS.
hi swarmite,
just so fantastic seeing bron’s book out there in the wide world. mind you she’s having a small ego freak about it. i’ve known bron for about 20 years, hooked up again as ‘best friends’ in the last 6 year, and fully support the amazing work that she does.
i’m going to request that we become friends on facebook, i’m keen to have closer contact with your amazing work, have been picking up bits and pieces via bronwyn. would love to be your friend……
cheers, elise
Elise Carr
November 12th, 2009 at 12:42 ampermalink
Hey thanks Elise, be my friend anytime and thanks to Bron we meet on here. LOL. I really support her true grit when it comes to life solutions – she’s a STAR!
theswarmite
November 12th, 2009 at 12:47 ampermalink
I saw a film yesterday that brought up memories for me. It is called Rachel getting married and is all about addiction and AA recovery. What it reminded me of what how I created problems that I somehow could handle, although with great difficulty and total focus. Just like your ‘staying alive’ theme. Having a fixed problem to focus on was a very good way to stay clear of my real problem that I simply had no answer to and therefore just simply looked like a big black hole.
Had I known then that depression is so hard hitting simply because it triggers our survival instincts (if you give up wanting to live that is seriously life threatening) maybe I would have been able to be more honest. And I totally agree that honesty is the way forward. In particular when it can be combined with a bit of detachment to see that although we are all unique we are also all the same.
Keep up the good work
Swedish chef
November 16th, 2009 at 10:23 ampermalink
Thanks Swedish chef for your feedback, yes it’s easy to put the cart before the horse and work on the wrong issue first. Owning something, in my experience, is the first step to solution.
theswarmite
November 16th, 2009 at 11:47 ampermalink