26 Oct 2013
As my last blog said “It’s been a while”. . .
. . . getting back into blog stride and acknowledging clean time, both are prey to practice.
Even after all these years one is never sure that another day, another month, another year will log up. It’s not a given, but it is a gift, a gift of recovery from active addiction that can be ‘returned to sender’ at any point, if attention is swayed.
Honouring this day 26th October 1982, my first day of being clean of drugs, alcohol and nicotine, yes giving them all up on the same day ( not always recommended). I walked into a smoky basement room and stayed the course, a day at a time. NA is my home and I try to keep my house clean, as over the NA door it says :
“. . So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear “.
Following any path of observance allows you to stumble, meet rocky roads as well as promised serenity that awareness brings. Through continued viral illness in the 80′s & 90′s I was taught to get priorities in the right place in order to accept reward of what Babaji calls ‘karma yoga’. The ability, facility, and service of work to the higher self.
Working the steps, working therapy, friendships and risk taking notions like dropping the ego, in my experience, breeds eventual joy. Not just the joy of being clean, for it takes a while to accept that, for joy is not just seeking a new way of life, but living it, and for that time needs time. The spiritual part of the 12 Step programme, or any path that contains space to hand over FEAR, is an exercise in releasing control, expectation and even the concept of reward as end game. The reward, if observed, is always the journey not the destination and the ‘just for today’ approach allows you to look out the window each 24 hours, speed bumping yourself into the ‘living moment’ rather than whining in the back seat :
‘. . . are we there yet?’.
Living in the moment entails, planning but not projection, indulging in clarity and recognising that your head does not always know best, so seeking solice, advice or instruction from others is the best drug drop to muster. However dropping the ego is the REAL DEAL It’s worked for me, most of the time, when I allow time to take its place and the universe to deliver while I remain blindfolded. Trusting the process to the Higher Beings has always ascended me into a safer space, a chair to rest on, without needing to know the answers. All I have done is put recovery first, put one foot in front of the other, trusted the process and didn’t pick up.
Keep it Simple.
Om Namaha Shivaya.