Psychotherapist Benjamin Fry, who co-presents BBC Three’s Spendaholics programme, say giving up a lavish lifestyle can make for a very traumatic sense of loss. " It’s the change in circumstances that’s difficult . . . . . . Fergie ( Duchess of York ) was caught in between failing her own moral code and adapting her own external ego," he says, " she could have accepted she was poor but wouldn’t know who she was. The alternative was to do something I’m sure she didn’t really want to do. He says people can become attached to money like a drug, with the most insecure needing the most. "If you were to force an addict to stop taking drugs, it can be very difficult. The way to cope is to try really hard to invest in non-material sources of wealth – family, relationships, community or self care". He adds " People do overspend because they’ve got a low sense of self worth. If you feel very small on the inside and present yourself as very big on the outside, it’s compensation".
If you need any more evidence that Fergie is still a child living in fantasy land, hear this : Some 24 hours after being exposed as an aristo money grabbing compulsive, no different from a street junkie mugging a hit, she declares at a charity event in Los Angeles – " When I got on that plane tonight, I thought, phew, what a heavy day. But when the children’s choir came out tonight and saw their little faces, I turned round to my friend and said " You know what, I’m glad I did because it’s about the children", she added. " I learned today about making a difference. Most importantly I learned I hate grown-ups and I love children " she said.

Sarah Margaret Ferguson, Duchess of York is 51. Time you would think to have processed out all the rejection issues in her life, the parents divorce when she was 13 and her mother leaving for Argentina with new lover in tow, the English Boarding School syndrome of rejected emotions and family ties, and living alone at 18. She has always said she lived simply in Clapham, South London but wondered how she would pay her bills, however she managed to scoot across to Swiss chalets often enough to attract paying partying boyfriends. Nothing unusual in that you might say, a pretty lively stump of a gal from aristocratic stock, up for a laugh. But when Mum rejected you at a time you need a mother and Dad rejected you through remarriage, then later on the new husbands Royal family rejected you for being "out of line", it’s easy to see how rejection is Fergie’s drug of choice. Records have it that her Mother-in-law The Queen has spoken to her once in 18 years. The Press rejected her, her body rejected her and eventually she rejected herself sky high from the ejecter seat on video. You Boob. One wonders why Fergie is the common denominator?
She must have had an awful childhood to have smothered her own children so much, to create them in her own image, to hostage their identities in such a chronic codependent fashion. Her own dependency on rejection in order to survive, means that she waits to be rescued, by anyone really, she doesn’t care. That’s why she keeps creating drama in order to be motivated by fear, to create more debt, deeper challenges, more mountains to climb. Fergie calls herself a survivor for a reason. She was rescued before when she ran up debts of over £4 Million at Coutts the Bankers, promising never to do it again, and in fairness she rescued herself into solvency. Though nobody rescued her from her childhood traumas, she was clearly poorly parented and relies upon, like Blanche DuBois " the kindness of strangers ", such are her victimized explanations of why a grown woman of 51 can’t keep house. She needs the love, you see.
I don’t know whether to pity her or shake her.
Like a junkie whore she sells herself to the highest bidder while hiding behind the shields of royalty and charidee approval. Like Heather Mills, another fantasy merchant unable to take responsibility for herself, Fergie does charidee so she can think of the little children and remember a time of innocence and protection and be seen as responsible by adults. No wonder she loves kids and hates grown-ups, kids don’t send the bailiff in.

It’s true that many people doing charity work find it difficult to be charitable to themselves, in Fergie’s case she needs approval so desperately and loathes reality so much, that looking into the eyes of the under-privileged kids choir takes her away from her own stuff. All fine and good, we need a bit of comparison sometime to greet gratitude in the face, but greeting bills in the face and un-opened brown envelopes is the most charitable thing we can do to ourselves, to do the detail, to own the compulsive spending, the unconscious credit card abuse and lavish lifestyle demands described by Benjamin Fry. Awareness, surrender and courage have always played the musketeer to win respect.
Some years ago, a client of mine in a soul-less abusive marriage refused to leave the marital home because she would have to leave her garden. "My garden" she said " has kept me sane for 25 years, I’m not letting someone else have it".
In truth she would rather put up with the drama, the denial and the rejection than look at herself. Having pointed out that if she leaves the marriage and the garden she would be saner, she refused to hear it. Like Fergie clinging on, she refused to let go. Coming clean to ourselves about our behaviors is a First Step to recovery, avoid denial at your peril, by observing The Duchess’s plight you may avoid your own.
You either dig your garden to grow up and flourish, or dig your own grave.